I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
