If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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