He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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