Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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