I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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