and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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