If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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