Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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