OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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