So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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