dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
