Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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