yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
