I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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