Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
