pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
