So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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