Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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