; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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