i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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