Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
