I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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