I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
don't judge my taste in strippers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
