well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
