I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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