I think scott just propositioned me for sex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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