i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
