in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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