im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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