Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
