Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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