I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
