Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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