i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
