This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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