Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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