R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
