We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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