I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
