No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
