tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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