plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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