Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
