She announced her abortion via fbk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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