This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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