Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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