I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
