woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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