the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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