I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
