i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dick very happy bro
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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