Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
