Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
