my being single is dangerous.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hippo gnu deer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
