I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
