we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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