Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
