okay pat passed out under dana's car
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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