He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
