the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
