One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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