I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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