So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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