paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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