dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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